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by Chaya

Hi divine soul, I am Chaya, 28 years old. Did you notice that I did not say 'hi everybody' but 'hi divine soul'. I wish to convey my message and experience to every soul on earth as in you is the light of God. A few years back, I was like many of these persons who thought of themselves only as a body. I was experiencing anger, jealousy, envy and all the egoistic feelings humans usually have. I felt bad and evil even at times. I experienced fear and scary thoughts which made me feel very tormented. I did not know what to do. Even if I prayed God to change me, nothing seemed to happen for many many days. At night, on my walls, I saw scary things. Inside, I experienced pain in my heart. I felt so miserable. I did prayers. I consulted a psychist. Nothing nothing seemed to change. And I had a weight problem which constantly seemed to make me even more miserable. I thought boys hated me. I drank weight-loss medicines to lose weight to please others. This led me to lose haemoglobin and I became anaemic. I got a job which I did not like and I quit. I felt ill and ill all the time. And then, just like that, something happened to me. I felt God's light deep inside when I started doing meditation which a teacher told me to experience. I felt different. I was blessed inside and felt the light. I no more saw myself as a body, but as the immortal light of God. I felt happy for 2 years. But then again, the dark times came. Enemies in the form of bad thoughts came to tease the divine light in me again, in form of ego, bad thoughts of classmates, violence, death, atrocities in the media. This world and it's changes were depressing me. Tears trickled down many times from my eyes just like that. I met a boy and at times experienced love, at times not. Again negative thoughts teased me. I doubted love. I got bad tempered. I started experiencing pain all the time. I was not happy. I wanted to cry, to shout, to disappear. Whenever I saw knives, I got afraid that I might kill myself or people around me. When I saw cars on the road, I got afraid again that I might jump in front of a car. All sorts of phobia were appearing again. I was scared I might die. I was afraid people would kill me in my sleep. At night I woke up and experienced fear again. My heart would thump all the time leading me to think that I had a heart problem. So many times, I went to hospital. Despite all these traumatic experiences, I wanted to seek the truth desperately. I read religious books and felt more confused. Again, I tried to do meditation to feel happy again. But I felt more desperate. I didn't know what was happening. I was in a constant battle between negative and positive thoughts. So I told my mom and sister who tried to help me with positive thoughts. The minute I felt better, the other minute, felt again bad. The I discussed with my teacher again. I felt better again. And immediately after some minutes, bad again. This battle was making me crazy. But I did not lose faith in God. Because I know everyday in life, it's a battle. I told myself that only me can win the battle of thoughts. Because I am the light of God. So is every one on earth. Flowers, birds, animals, all organisms, we are the lights of the great divine light. The battle in us, it's a very very difficult battle of thoughts. Each one of us has to understand this. And keep faith in the light in us. WE ARE THE LIGHT! AND IN US THERE IS GOD! GOD IS OMNIPRESENT. WE ARE IN HIS THOUGHTS! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US, GOD KNOWS. COZ WE ARE IN HIS THOUGHTS. WE MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. IN THE END, WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE OF THOUGHTS COZ WE ARE THE LIGHT! WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD BY COMBATTING THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN US COZ WE MUST BE STRONG! ALL NEGATIVITY IS ILLUSION. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF IT. WE ARE THE IMMORTAL LIGHT OF GOD! TRUST HIM...HE IS IN US.

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Thank you
by: D


Thank you so much for this moving post about the battle between light and darkness that so many face and that exists on our planet. You tell it so beautifully and are very brave to engage as you do. I'm so grateful you had the holy opening you describe which is holy and special. I'm so glad you posted.


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